DVD

Yesterday (April 10th) was our second wedding anniversary, it had its difficult moments, but I figured that of all the reasons a man find himself depressed on his second wedding anniversary mine was relatively acceptable.

In the evening I watched our wedding DVD from start to finish, I hadn’t done that before, I usually skip my speech, some of my Persian dancing and some more of the disco, I had decided before hand that I would watch this by Ladan’s side, unfortunately with Ladan’s recent sleepiness (see updates below) she was asleep through most of it, but I had been worried this would be a very tearful experience for me on our second anniversary. On the contrary it was a very joyful experience, reminding me exactly why I have willingly allowed my life to become so disrupted to be by Ladan’s side and why I hope to continue my endeavour to build a life around her current needs until such time, if it comes, as she might manage to regain a higher level of consciousness.

When I arrived at the rehab centre earlier in the day I sang Ladan one of her favourite songs, Truly Madly Deeply (with slightly altered lyrics), I was reminded of our seven month anniversary when the doctors came in on their round to see me standing over Ladan in Intensive Care with a huge smile on my face, they must have thought for a moment that she had recovered, in reality I was happy because the doctors initial prognosis was that she might not survive that long.

I change the lyrics to songs like that quite often to be a bit more relevant, for example the line “I want to lay like this forever” does not feel very appropriate for Ladan right now, but one of my favourite changes is from “I want to stand with you on a mountain” to “I want to stand with you on Mount Carmel” because we have an invitation to go on 9 day pilgrimage on June 19th, it is highly unlikely we will be able to make it and Ladan would have to make a very good recovery very very soon for us to still be accepted on it but any cancellation will put us on the bottom of a 5 year list so I have explained our circumstances and have my spiritual fingers crossed all the time.

Funnily enough I had a dream in late March or early April last year that Ladan and I were in the General Hospital in the 29th April, I was reading something on my PDA (electronic organiser) and she was asleep when suddenly she sat up dazed and weak. On the 29th April last year I was therefore a feeling a little excited anticipation but if course nothing happened, there have been many dreams that could have been interpreted to have meanings relating to Ladan recovering and so while this is the only one that had an actual date in it I know to take these things very casually. However, although Ladan left the General Hospital on 1st September she is going back for about a week as of April 24th, so she may well be there again on 29th April! I’ll probably sit reading things from my PDA just to encourage the similarities with the dream!